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It's Midnight, and I Have to be up at Six....

Hey there, it is me, just sitting here before bed after a late evening adventure with one of my best friends. She called me up needing my comfort after dealing with a rough ex friend situation, and that is never easy. Believe me, I have been through it, and I have actually had to do the ex friending (I know it sounds awful, but I have my personal reasons). It put into perspective a lot of things for me, like for example, how much we throw around the term "best friend". I have my friends, acquaintance's, my besties, and my best friends who are pretty much my soul mates.

My friends: everyday people, we hang out occasionally, but infrequently, and we keep on touch occasionally.

Acquaintance's: people I work with, people I just met, individuals I am forced to be cordial to even though I would rather stick a spork in my eyeball.

Besties: close friends at work, talk to a few times a week, Snapchat, and comment on things on social media.

Best friends: I would tell these people my most precious thoughts, my deepest feelings, my darkest times, my happiest moments.

All of these categories are different, but best friends should always be there for you through thick and thin, never judge, always make a point to be there for you. Friendships evolve, and if your friendships can stand the test of evolution, then it is true friendship. I can say I genuinely love my  best friends more than myself, and would do anything. They are on that same level of family to me.

What happens if the friendship doesn't stand the test of time? This is a hard thing. I've had this happen both unexpectedly and expectedly. When I had to get "rid" of a friend, I had to do it because it was unhealthy for me, and it made me a person I did not want to be. I did not feel good about the friendship, and the influence was toxic. So I "cold turkeyed" the friendship (I know that's not a real word).  On the other hand I was shut out from someone, occasionally when they want or need something they come back, but I've learned my lesson with this person. It hurt like heck, and it was a form of abandonment I've never experienced before, but I am glad I got to see their true colors before it was too late. Some friendships are just fake and for show.

Let me get off my soap box on the friendship topic now and talk about religion... So you can leave now if you want, but for my sanity I have to do this.

I am LDS, single, 26 (almost 27). I haven't been to church since August of 2015. My testimony, belief, and love for the Gospel are the same. I have my high points and my low points, but honestly my singles ward is not cutting it for me right now.

My leadership is fantastic and there are some great people, but they split the ward in August and ever since I have felt lost. It is probably time for me to move forward and find a new place of residence or go "ward hopping", because I don't feel like this is the place for me.

I know that if you're reading this, you're telling me to go and check it out. That I have only been a few times since the split, it isn't just that, there are other superficial reasons too but I won't go into it here.

I don't feel lost but I feel wayward in a way, I know I need to go to feel that love and the fullness, but I can never bring myself to go.

But it is midnight, and I do have to get up early, so I should ponder more later.

Until next time.

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